The Rodent Returns

The mouse poked its furry little head out of the hole under the fireplace, darted out onto the rug in one lithe motion, twitched its whiskers and proceeded to clean itself.

"Are you ready?" Mum whispered furtively. I nodded, silently communicating my assent. We stood still, suspended, hardly daring to breathe, willing the floorboards beneath us not to creak. We were deadly intent on our mission. The rodent was obviously happy to be the floorshow, continuing to leisurely tend to itself beneath our fixed gaze. An exhibionist, that's for sure.

However, we weren't fooled by its casual air.

We watched as it watched us, the glittering dark eyes alert. Adrenaline coursed through our veins as we contemplated our plan of action. Then it happened. Mum made a dart with the plastic container with which we planned to trap it in. Instantly, the mouse fled, a small grey flash moving at lightning speed in my peripheral vision. "Aaaaaahhhh!!!" Mum shrieked. "Quick, where is it? Where's it gone? Oh, look, look, there it is!" We trained our not-so-expert eye on the small fur ball as it shot over the rug, beating a rapid retreat beneath the wooden hearth. "Oh my God it's gone in there! Quick-" Mum grabbed a handful of plastic bags, moving swiftly to block the hole in which the mouse had disappeared. Together we fashioned a temporary prison for our furry little friend. Our pulses high, breathing raised, excitement dilating our pupils, we subsided onto the sofa to watch the rest of Law and Order: SVU (yes, the TV dominates this household), while we contemplated our next move.

So what's all the commotion about? you're probably thinking. It's just a little mouse. Harmless. Oh, no. You see, this thing is cunning. Crafty. Possibly dangerous (after all, who knows which electrical leads its been gnawing through??) It's not shy either. For nights on end we've watched as it's been in and out of the hole beneath the fireplace, in the full glare of the living room light, in front of our disbelieving gaze. It's pretty plucky, I'll give it that. Frightened is obviously not a word in its vocabulary.

"Right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to surround the hearth (there's no way we could pick it up as it's large and heavy) and then take one of the plastic bags out of the hole, let it free and then we can see where it is and catch it in a container. After all, we can't leave it there all night, it'll chew a hole in my best rug!" My younger brother, J, was enlisted as we surrounded the hearth with an assortment of objects. "Ok, here goes..." The hole in the hearth was unplugged. The creature instantly broke free, speeding around the pen we'd created. "Jesus, that thing moves at the speed of light!" It was true. It moved so fast that individual features were unidentifiable and it was nothing but a grey blur. Round and round it went until suddenly it shot out of the confined space we'd devoted so much time to creating, hurtled across the living room floor and sped beneath the sofa. "Oh, bugger! How did it get out?? We'll never get it out from under the sofa!" I exclaimed, whilst inspecting the pen for possible gaps. There were none. No spaces whatsoever. So how on earth did it get out? The mystery still remains unsolved. Mum, me and J surrounded the sofa, armed with containers with which to trap it. Together, we moved the sofa from its position. No mouse. Where is it? We scratched our heads. We scoured beneath, poking into the shadows, anywhere where it may be lurking. It was nowhere to be seen. The mouse had obviously escaped. "We'll have to give it up, I think," Mum sighed. "Don't ask me how, but I bet, I just bet it's managed to get back to the hole beneath the fireplace." So we reluctantly cleared the disarray and restored the living room back to order.

Later on, we heard (triumphant) scuffles and squeaks from beneath the fireplace. Two grown women, (well, one grown and the other almost) defeated by a small mouse. I can almost hear it squeak, in the manner of a mousey version of Arnold Schwarnegger, "I'll be back..." And so the battle continues...